This morning as I was pouring my cereal into the bowl, I had this fleeting thought, “I think I’ll have some cheese on toast after this.” This is probably the fourth time in recent days that I’ve had this thought. It’s always an “after this” sort of thought, never an “instead of this” kind of thing.
It’s not really about Cheese On Toast
While I’ve never lost this much weight (60 pounds) before, I have lost huge amounts of weight. And each time I regained it, I can look back and point to almost the exact moment that I let go. The instant that I decided that a momentary treat was more important than keeping that weight off. [More]
The power of an ill-timed treat is immense
Once I was standing in front of a candy shop thinking that it would be nice to have some malted milk balls while I watched the movie — the next thing I knew, I weighed 180 pounds.
Another time, I walked into a friends office and took a mini-candybar out of the jar on her desk. Bam! I gained 40 pounds. In my memory, it was just like that.
And once it was a hamburger and fries with my cousins. I’d been very successful on Weight Watchers for months and months — but after that 15 point lunch, I never got back on track again.
So when I find myself standing in the kitchen getting ready to eat one thing and planning, planning to eat something else right after that — well, it makes me nervous. It makes me wonder if I’m losing my grip. Will I wake up in a month or so wishing I hadn’t given away all my fat clothes?
Would it be worth all that for just a little Cheese on Toast?
My answer is no. I can’t handle it. What’s yours?
What you’re saying makes a lot of sense. Though I am a little conflicted about it. It seems that if you are holding yourself to a standard of perfection, then you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. It seems to me like if you have the cheese toast today, it doesn’t mean you have to have the milk balls tomorrow. Of course it’s easier said than done, but I think that almost everyone who has successfully lost weight has slipped up but then gotten back on track the next MEAL or, at the very most, the next DAY. That’s what I am striving to do.
Misty, I’m conflicted myself. Because, of course, I’m not perfect — far from it.
I think I’m doing pretty well taking things one day at a time. But so much of that is because I check in here everyday — running my thoughts past a huge support group.
What would happen if I stopped sharing those thoughts? What would happen if I stopped caring? I think we know the answer to that.
And the first step in that process might be to eat that cheese on toast (after already eating cereal) and then be afraid to come her and talk about it. Or to lie about it to myself and you.
It’s not the cheese and toast or even the malted milk balls that are bad. It’s the letting go of a commitment — Just Today, I can’t do that.
And you are totally right — it’s easier said than done. That’s for sure!
Hey its Misty!
I love cheese on toast
TechZ — it’s dangerously delicious!